Forehead Slaps – Russ has sustained literally thousands of these brisk, open-handed slaps to his bony, knobby forehead throughout his entire lifespan. Whether you need to get his attention or simply make a statement, a forehead slap is something that Russ relates to.

Stabbings/Pokings – While sounding more dangerous than they actually are, a well-placed stabbing or poking can be a great tool if used properly. For more on stabbings see “Various Strategies”.

Self-inflicted Wounds – Whether breaking his tailbone on a camping trip or inciting a ferocious beating because of his big mouth, Russ is very adept at injuring and maiming himself. In many cases, you can just sit back and observe and within minutes Russ will either fall off something, run into a wall, slice a finger or dislocate a random bone.

While these are the common Russ injuries, there have been some epic incidents. For your enjoyment we have included one of those historic episodes below…

The Crow

On a fine summer’s day, Russ and one his kindhearted brothers went camping. They enjoyed a day of frolicking at the lake with their women and proceeded to relax and have some refreshments at the campsite that evening. As usual though, Russ began to consume more than his share of alcohol and despite the best efforts of the other campers, the uncontrollable Russ became belligerent and nasty. Fortunately for all involved, Russ soon went into his tent and passed out.

The next morning the kind brother woke up early and being a good fellow camper decided to start a fire and get some coffee going. After rounding up some firewood, the observant brother noticed that Russ was still in his alchol induced coma with his forehead right in the entryway to the tent. In his stupor the night before, Russ had failed to zip the tent door shut so his forehead was now a prime target.

Being a man of action, the brave brother seized upon this opportunity and quickly devised a plan of attack. Since waking up that morning, there was a very large crow that the brother noticed hanging around the campground apparently searching for food scraps. The resourceful brother then located some potato chips and strategically placed a line of chips from one side of the campground all the way to the Russ tent. Bravely, the brother carefully and gently placed the last chip on Russ’s forehead without waking him up. Having done all he could do, the brother then sat back and quietly observed what would happen.

Within minutes, the large, black crow flew down and began eating the chips. Slowly and purposefully the mighty winged beast approached the Russ tenthole. Finally reaching the door of the tent the crow cocked it’s head, spied the chip laying on Russ’s forehead and with a resounding “KAPOW” pecked Russ in the forehead.

Russ responded with a great wailing scream. The frightened crow flew away, Russ still did not know exactly what had attacked him and was flailing away inside his tent. As the rest of the campers all woke up due to Russ and his shrieking, the brother sat back and enjoyed the fruit of his labors.

For two days Russ had a large welt on his forehead as a result of the severe pecking.