In the early 1990’s,
Russ had been kicked out of the trailer park that he had terrorized
for so long due to his loud, boisterous and drunken escapades.
Fortunately, for Russ and his tribe they were able to get a
high interest bank loan on a decent house.
After moving in to their new dwelling, as is their tradition,
Russ and his kind began to celebrate their good fortune by
consuming massive amounts of alcohol, playing loud music at
all hours and generally destroying the property.
In one of these initial “housewarming” parties,
Russ became very sentimental and decided (for once) to invite
one his honorable brothers to the event. Being astounded that
Russ would actually extend courtesy to him, the brother humbly
accepted the offer and came right over to enjoy an evening
of fun with his Russ.
As the festivities progressed, Russ became very drunken and
belligerent. Shortly before midnight Russ passed out and quite
rudely left his guests to serve themselves in his kitchen.
Seeing an opportunity to teach Russ a small lesson in manners,
the resourceful brother examined the refrigerator for possible
organic weapons. After some careful reflection, the brother
chose a Costco-size package of weiners as his warhead.
As the other party guests looked on, the industrious brother
began searching out all of the nooks and crannys of the kitchen
area and placing a weiner into them. On the back of the shelves
of the highest cupboards, underneath the refrigerator and
behind the stove were just a few of the many locations that
the wise, battle experienced brother placed the greasy little
tubes of meat.
Seeing the great joy emanating from this courageous soldier
of justice, the other party guests began to grab weiners and
place them throughout all the hidden areas of the kitchen
and dining room. Soon, the festive spirit of the night returned
and later as the night ended, everyone agreed that it had
been a wonderful evening.
For the next few days, the brave brother who organized the
weinering fully expected the usual bellicose call from Russ
complaining of the smells and begging for mercy. Disturbingly
however, the call never came.
At first, the brother hoped that Russ had simply accepted
the fact that his own rudeness had caused this nuke and was
understandably willing to clean it up and move on like an
adult.
Several weeks went by without a sign that there had ever
been a weinering. The brother began to regret his choice of
weaponry and was ready to give up on ever wieners as an effective
weapon. Then came reports of Russ dealing with a serious bug
infestation…
It seems that over the last couple of weeks Russ and his
siblings had noticed many large, black beetles scurrying across
their kitchen floor. Soon, there were more and more of these
large voracious pests. After a particularly large beetle escaped
a now murderous Russ, it was decided that a pest control agency
would be contacted.
According to Russ, the pest control guy arrived and was informed
of the unusually large beetle infestation. After the exterminator
had examined the kitchen area he came up to Russ holding a
half-devoured wiener. The perplexed man then explained that
since Russ had approximately 24 wieners in various places
in his kitchen it created an ideal feeding and breeding ground
for this type of insect.
