Russ Gets a Head!

In 1994, the honorable and generous brothers of Russ invited him to take them on a fishing trip in his boat.

Several days before the trip, the wise and thoughtful brothers decided unanimously to bestow a special gift upon Russ to amuse everyone present.

One of the resourceful heroes was able to obtain the head of a department store mannequin and joyfully presented it to the other two brothers. After an intense planning session they decided to put a wig on the head, pour lots of ketchup on the base of the neck and wrap it well in an airtight, plastic garbage bag. They then patiently waited...

The morning of the fishing trip all was right and just in the world...

After many great proclamations of friendship stated among all of the blissful participants, the happy members packed the gear on the boat. While Russ was distracted with loading beer onto the boat, one of the brothers stealthily placed the head into a compartment in the passenger area.

After the boat had been loaded the joyful troop launched into the deep, inner recesses of the lake searching for their gilled prey. After many hours of guzzling massive quantities of beer and slaughtering dozens of scaly little beasts,  Russ was feeling quite macho.

At sunset the brothers set their crafty plan into action. During one the many times that Russ had his head tilted back guzzling whatever alcoholic beverage happened to be in his hand at the time, one of the courageous brothers gently slipped the bagged head into the water.

Having just enough air to float, the head slowly drifted a few yards from the boat. After his latest guzzle, Russ scanned the surface of the lake with his now bleary eyes to make sure that there were no more of his scaly enemies on a fishing line.

After much squinting he loudly yelled "what the hell is that?" to all members of the boat. After all the brothers feigned innocence, Russ jumped up, grabbed the fishing net and greedily proclaimed to all who could hear "that might be money! It's mine!"

He then rudely ordered one of the brothers to drive the fishing boat over to the floating bag. Russ leaned his scrawny, white, bony body over the edge of the boat and using the fishing net deftly scooped up the bag out of the water. He greedily tore open the bag as soon as it was in the boat no doubt expecting to see a great ball of hundred dollar bills or a brick of two of gold. Instead what Russ discovered was a bloody head!

He leaped up screaming and shrieking in a shrill voice that it was a "bloody head!" To this day the animals and fish at that portion of the lake have never heard anything so shrill and ball-less. After much weeping and gnashing of teeth, it was explained to Russ that the head was a fake and had been planted. the only response was a grumbling groan and a mumbled... "you bastards!"