The heroic Brothers began their strange odyssey by going to
the nearest grocery store and purchasing the entire stock
(several full shopping carts) of pumpkins. They then went
to a safe haven that provided the required carving utensils
they needed. After soliciting the assistance of many neighbors
and friends they began to carve the pumpkins in a joyful manner.
Throughout
the next few hours the hard-working brothers and their accomplices
labored diligently. They expertly carved many profane words
and sayings such as AIDS, HERPES, EAT-ME, F**k OFF, ASSWIPE,
BASTARD, and many other disgusting verbal obscenities into
the numerous pumpkins.
When
the last pumpkin had been carved and candles placed into the
entire legion of orange messengers of doom, the courageous
band of warriors drove to the Russ trailer park and stealthily
placed all of the pumpkins upon the porch of the Russ dwelling
and vacated the area.
While
all of these brilliant acts of heroism were being perpetuated
on his porch, Russ and his kind were in the trailer in which
he dwelt drinking large and copious amounts of alcohol and
celebrating loudly.
After many hours of this despicable behavior Russ became extremely
intoxicated. As is their custom on such holidays, Russ and
and his many siblings then passed out due to their alcoholic
stupors.
The
next morning Russ was awakened from his stupor by an incesstant
ringing of his doorbell. After stumbling to the door in an
alcohol induced haze, Russ opened the creaky entrance and
beheld an innocent child of approximately 7 years old requesting
that they be allowed to take home one of the many hundreds
of pumpkins which now graced the porch of the Russ dwelling.
While
sufficiently horrified by the sight of this pumpkin army,
Russ relented to the child because of the relentless pounding
in his skull due to his hungover state. Within minutes, all
of the children in the trailer park who had been admiring
the sheer numbers of prolific pumpkins that Russ now owned
began to swarm the Russ trailer asking for their own pumpkin.
Russ
being in a foul and irritable condition just opened the door
and said "take what you want" thinking this was
a good way to dispose of the nasty little orange beasts. The
neighborhood children were ecstatic as they had free pumpkins!
Many children from across the land came to partake of the
generosity of Russ. For roughly an hour all was happy and
blissfull until... the doorbell rang.
Russ
got up from his dark resting place once again and opened the
door to his dwelling. This time however, instead of an innocent
little child requesting a free pumpkin, an large group of
irate parents stood before him.
While
the Russ brain continued to throb with no respite, the parents
were angrily demanding answers as to why Russ had bestowed
a pumpkin that had "AIDS" carved into it? Why had
he given it to their innocent child? What was his agenda?
Russ
stood gaping stupidly at them while many other parents and
family members from the trailer park began to gather on his
porch demanding answers to why their children had brought
home these obscene vegetables. After several minutes of unsuccessfully
trying to explain to this angry horde what had happened, Russ
slammed the door upon the crowd of horrified parents and crawled
into his bed and went to sleep for several hours.
