In
the mid 1990’s, after repeatedly warning Russ that his
needlessly aggressive actions and rude behavior was de-stabilizing
the balance of friendship between them, the Brothers held a
convening to discuss using a strong statement of force. The
brave and committed brothers strategized long into the night
on what should be done. Finally, at the crack of dawn it was
decided to launch an actual missile at Russ.
The next
day the brothers searched far and wide throughout the land.
As luck would have it, late in the afternoon they found what
they were looking for in the back of a pizza parlor. It was
a long, thin pontoon that was originally on an older model
sea-plane. The industrious brothers paid the perplexed owner
for their newfound treasure, loaded it into their truck and
took it home.
Having
lugged the pontoon into the living room of an apartment that
a brother graciously offered, these heroic men worked for
12 days sanding, cutting and painting the pontoon until they
turned it into a non-explosive but visually believable air
to ground missile.
On day
thirteen, the brothers received a reliable report that Russ
and his tribe had gone boating on the lake for the day. Being
decisive men of action, the brothers loaded the missile into
the truck at approximately 10:00am. Uncovered, they drove
the missile through town having many spectators wave and cheer
them on in their upright mission of justice. They even stopped
at a grocery store and purchased a large amount of dry ice.
When the
brothers arrived at the Russ dwelling they unloaded the gleaming
missile, filled it with dry ice, turned the side with the
new radiation symbol which they had painstakingly created
on it and chained it to the largest tree in the Russ front
yard and locked the chain. Lastly, they poured water into
the missile which reacted to the dry ice and created streams
of vapor coming pout of the missile. The two exhausted but
jubilant brothers then drove home.
According
to witnesses, Russ arrived back from his lake excursion happy,
inebriated and ready to relax. However, as Russ turned on
to his street he was alarmed to see an angry horde of neighbors
gathered in front of his dwelling. As Russ pulled into his
driveway, he saw the smoking nuclear missile chained to his
tree. Unfortunately, the angry mob of neighbors descended
upon him and prevented any further inspection of the missile.
While
Russ answered the panicked neighbors as best he could, the
rest of the Russ family dove into the house and took cover
from the increasingly hostile mob. While the neighbors angrily
demanded an explanation as to why Russ would chain a smoking,
nuclear missile to his tree in their beautiful neighborhood,
Russ assured them that he would take care of everything in
the morning. He then made his way through the murderous crowd
went into his living room and shut the door. The Russ family
then shut the curtains and had a nice dinner and went to bed.
The neighbors
eventually grew tired of their useless protest and dejectedly
wandered back to their homes. Russ was too lazy to do anything
about the missile for several days until finally a neighbor
took it upon himself to cut the chains and take the missile
away.
Do you
see why the Russ neighbors tend to go crazy?
