Witness Statement - "One morning the residents of the bandhouse were innocently waking up and cooking breakfast, doing chores and generally going about their daily routines. However, as the day wore on many of us began itching and scratching our heads and groinal areas profusely. After much discussion regarding this horrific development we all agreed to confront Russ and discover what terrible affliction had been visited upon us.

After Russ woke up in his normal hungover state, it was unanimously decided to take the entire population of the bandhouse to the Public Health Department to get a qualified diagnosis. Once we filed into the lobby of the Health Department, many of us (including Russ) seated ourselves in the chairs provided for the patients that were waiting to be seen for their various viral infections and sexually transmitted diseases.

After waiting for almost an hour a nurse came out and called for a member of our distressed group. After explaining to the nurse that we believed that we were infected by Russ, the brave individual pointed to Russ in the crowd of victims. At that point, all of the various patients seated around Russ immediately jumped and dove for cover so as not to be afflicted with whatever horrible breed of crab that he allegedly carried. The nurse then cautiously told Russ to come with her and took Russ into an examination room.

We all waited with dread and trepidation until the nurse came out and explained that Russ had infected the entire household with a particularly aggressive strain of head/body lice. After much weeping and gnashing of teeth by all members of the bandhouse it was decided to take the rest of the day and launder every garment and piece of bedding and to spray massive amounts of lice spray on every article of furniture throughout the dwelling. The rest of the week, all members of the house had to use a very pungent lice shampoo and keep a sharp eye upon Russ to make sure that he was using proper techniques to rid himself of these vicious little beasts.

I still have night terrors because of this experience..."

This eyewitness account has been made public by the Russ_Institute in the hopes that by being informed you will be able to protect you and your loved ones from being emotionally scarred and physically afflicted by the despicable actions of a careless Russ.